http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015313.html

Old lady: You spelled "candle" wrong.
Employee: What?
Old lady: You spelled "candle" wrong on one of your signs. Give me a piece of paper and I'll fix it for you.
Employee: It's okay.
Old lady (getting extremely angry): No, it is not okay. This is inappropriate and you need to fix it.

--Duane Reade

Overheard by: just buying some shampoo

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015312.html

Guy: What makes you think the guy she likes is gay?
Girl: He's a bartender in a gay bar. But he says it's only because they tip better.

--Cosi, 13th & Broadway

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015311.html

Elderly woman on stretcher: Is the ambulance heated?
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver: Yes.
Elderly woman on stretcher: I'm gonna freeze to death.
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver (smiling, tenderly): No, you're gonna sweat to death.

--63rd b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015310.html

Black dude following girl: Hey man, check out that ass! Look at that ass! That's some fine ass. Look at that ass.
Black chick being followed: (into her phone) Hold on. (turns to man) Nigga, go away!

--Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: Ivan

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015309.html

Guy to bartender (about friend standing next to him): I could barely get this guy to drink last night!
Friend: Dude! I was driving!

--Barcelona Bar

Overheard by: Friend for Drunk Driving

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015308.html

Boyfriend: It's called Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tromina?
Boyfriend: No, Taormina.
Girlfriend: Tarmina?
Boyfriend: No, tah-or-min-ah.
Girlfriend: Ta-roh-min-ah?
Boyfriend: How can you not say this? We're fucking Italian!

--Mulberry St, Little Italy

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015307.html

Very drunk, seemingly homeless man with cane (to entire car): Merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, everyone!
(everyone in car stares)
Drunk man: I'm not homeless, I'm just very drunk. I got a woman at home who ain't got no job and I keep telling her, bitch, get outta my house and get a job!

--6 Train

Overheard by: Melissa Sills

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015306.html

Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin' shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh...
Guy #1: I don't like this. I liked being fat.

--CVS, Allerton

Overheard by: Lee

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015305.html

Chick: My theology professor is sooooo in tune with everything.
Dude: Well, duh, he probably drinks holy water and shit.

--Washington Square Park

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015304.html

Suit #1: So I'd been working out for two hours a day, almost daily, for a few months.
Suit #2: How was that?
Suit #1: Well I wasn't losing any weight, so then I remembered... I'm really rich, I could just get lipo.

--Nassau & Wall St.

Overheard by: slave for the man

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015303.html

(crowded train at rush hour)
Polite woman: Can you move in, please?
Annoyed suit: Move in where? This guy's in me.

--6 Train

Overheard by: Zhi Man Huang

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015302.html

Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)

--Metro-North, Harlem

Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015301.html

Guy #1: Oh my god, they have ribbed ones.
Guy #2: And flavored. Shit, I got to get a flavored one.
Guy #1: Awesome, flavored condoms are awesome!
Guy #2: They are. They are freaking awesome!
(guy #1 notices man at urinal).
Guy #1: Dude, we're not gay.

--O'Hanlon's Bar, 14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dude

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015300.html

Teacher: Who was the first African-American woman court justice?
Girl: Judge Judy!

--Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015299.html

Hardhat to ticket agent: Yo, what time you get out?
Ticket agent: At one.
Hardhat: Me too. It's great gettin' out at one.
Ticket agent: Yeah, but I got class after.
Hardhat: Well, better than bein' in a Chinese prison camp.

--Water-Taxi Booth, Queens

Overheard by: obviously not as high as he is

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015298.html

Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo' mouth!

--Uptown 6 Train

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015297.html

Little boy: In the old days, before they had shopping bags, what did they use? Did they use paper bags?
Weary mom: Yes.
Little boy: Really? Brown paper bags?
Mom: Yes.
Little boy: That's so cool!

--31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Brigid

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015296.html

Teen sister: You mean to tell me you don't find something wrong with a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old having sex!
Tween brother: It's only a one year difference.
Teen sister: That's not the point! Aww fuck it, but you better wear a condom, cause if you wind up someone's baby's daddy, I'm not stopping the chick's dad from kicking your ass.

--Madison Square Garden

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015295.html

Guy #1: Yo, there was a party and her sister was in the shower. I went in there and fucked the shit out of her.
Guy #2: That's all I've been doin' lately. Fucking.

--Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/015294.html

(white girl walks past group of black guys)
Black guy #1: Crimes? Crimes? You wanna do some crimes?
Black guy #2: Nah man, you gotta have a computer to do crimes with her.

--4th St & Ave A